I found a journal entry that I wrote on August 19, 2015 that I wanted to share:
“Long time no write! School is starting in less than 2 weeks! I can’t wait, but then I can. I have mixed feelings. 75% can’t wait, 25% can wait. I’m just tired of just going to work and then coming home. I hope I’m not like this after I graduate. That would be extremely SAD! I’m going to need to be on my toes at all time. All summer, I haven’t touched my camera. I will for sure go this Friday. I really want to try out my ND filters that I’ve just purchased.
I’ve been spending a lot of my money this summer and it’s not good! Especially since I barely have hours and I don’t accept the ones that are offered. I suck. I need to suck it up and just go to work. But I hate it! I didn’t want to be there for 5 years, but I’m going to admit defeat and stay there until I can get a state job which can allow me to move out + support my parents!”
How awful that what I didn’t want after graduation…came true! It’s been a year and a half since I wrote that and life hasn’t really changed. I need to get my shit together and work something out. I need to start something. I need to change something.
My browser was opened for two days with a job posting and job application open…and I didn’t finish filling it out. I’m a lazy piece of shit! And my sister was the one who sent that job posting to me.
A question that’s been on repeat in my mind for a few weeks now is: “Leslie, do you even take yourself seriously?” I guess not. I guess I don’t. What will it take to take myself seriously?
A few nights ago, I went out to meet some friends who I hadn’t seen in months. One friend ask, “Leslie, what do you love? What makes you happy?”
I said, “I don’t know. Honestly, I’ve been in a slum since I graduated.” (I just looked up what slum meant and I didn’t even use it correctly! It was completely the wrong word to use. WTF was I thinking?!)
Well, one thing I’m hoping to accomplish tonight or tomorrow morning (since it’s already 1AM) is make a completely, much need new résumé.